


growing pains

by michida



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Affectionate Lee Donghyuck, Canon Compliant, Crushes, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Growing Up, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 08:03:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14848886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/michida/pseuds/michida
Summary: "Jisung-ah," Donghyuck deadpans. "When will you love me back?"





	1. denial

One day, Chenle says to him, "You and Haechan hyung are really close, huh."

"What are you talking about, Chenle," Jisung replies.

 

 

 

They aren't  _that_ close.

Jisung almost wants to call Chenle crazy for even thinking it. Donghyuck just likes to bother him a lot, to his great misfortune. It's true they've known each other for a long time. Now Donghyuck can't tease Jisung for being shorter than him anymore; Donghyuck, however, can totally be insufferable regardless of any height differences, so no, they aren't  _that_ close.

 

 

 

Probably. (Donghyuck's always at the 127 dorm anyway. Or with the '00 line. Or Mark.)

 

 

 

"Are you hungry, Ji—whoa, serious bedhead," Donghyuck says to him in the morning when he shuffles into the kitchen.

Jisung's too tired to even comprehend that Donghyuck is here when there aren't even promotions. "Very hungry, and you have bedhead too," he retorts sleepily, plopping down at the counter.

"Where's the  _hyung_ in that sentence," Donghyuck says, pained, turning back to the stove.

" _You_ have bedhead too, hyung," Jisung amends. He shrugs his shoulders to loosen his stiff muscles before perking up at a memory. "Wait, hyung, you told me to be informal with you though? Why the push and pull?"

"What push and pull," Donghyuck snorts. "I wanted you to speak comfortably with me."

"Isn't that what I'm doing, Haechanie hyung?" Jisung replies.

Donghyuck turns around, no doubt to tell Jisung off for his cheek, but blinks after thinking about it. "Huh. I guess..." Then he makes a face and shrugs. "Guess you're naturally a punk," he singsongs.

"What's this about punks?" Jeno asks, coming in. He slides into the seat next to Jisung, who pretends to clutch his chest in hurt.

"Haechan hyung is slandering my good name," Jisung says.

"Jisung wants to use banmal with me," Donghyuck offers, flipping a green onion pancake effortlessly. "To get  _close_ to me."

Jeno makes a soft cooing sound and laughs with a shit-eating grin when Jisung flails, scandalized: "That is  _not_ —!"

 

 

 

It occurs to Jisung later that Donghyuck had immediately recognized him without even turning around.

"It could happen because tall people walk differently and I'm the tallest," Jisung explains.

"That could happen," Chenle concludes evenly and not even a second later shoves Jisung off the bunk.

 

 

 

(And then it occurs to Jisung  _even_ later that Donghyuck was in the Dream dorm. Promotions have been over since last week. It's the first time Donghyuck has been in the Dream dorm since. When he asks Jeno about it later, because Jeno probably would know, Jeno just sighs and whispers, "We've been microwaving breakfast for the past week. I asked him to come cook."

They've been eating ramyeon for lunch for the past week too. 

"Is hyung coming back tomorrow?" Jisung whispers back.

Jeno shrugs.)

 

 

 

"But you really answered Haechan hyung as your ideal roommate like a week ago," Chenle says. "I thought you said you guys weren't close though?"

"Of course we're not," Jisung replies. "It would be a win-win situation because Haechan hyung will play games alone on his bed, so the room would be quiet. And I wouldn't care because I would also be playing games, so the both of us would do our own things. Perfect."

"That's not even what you wrote down! What you said sounded really sincere," Chenle points out.

Jisung crosses his arms over his chest defensively. "Aren't those things what everyone thinks?" he retorts, self-conscious.

 

 

 

Come to think of it, Jisung did write that  _he's a reliable hyung who can make things interesting and fun._ But then he followed it up with  _Haechan hyung is really too much sometimes though_. And when Jeno explained that Donghyuck liked cuddling, Jisung gave a sympathetic groan so loud that it was nearly picked up by the mic. Donghyuck, a foot away, heard and flicked his knee, and on the way back, didn't try to mess with Jisung in the car anymore.

Come to  _really_ think of it, Donghyuck hasn't touched him since that radio show. Which was two weeks ago.

Which just won't do. It's Donghyuck that pesters him, not him that pesters Donghyuck. Maybe Donghyuck took his exaggerated reaction to heart. But the more Jisung thinks about it, this is really what he wanted in the end, right? For Donghyuck to stop being such an annoying hyung.

He swings open the door to Mark's room anyway, because he'd knocked on Donghyuck's and Doyoung's door earlier and there was no answer.

"Jisung?" Mark says in confusion, looking down from the top bunk. Jisung's come all the way from the Dream dorm after all. "Need something?"

There, on the bottom bunk:

Jisung glances at Donghyuck briefly, and Donghyuck, peeling his eyes away from his phone, stretches on the bed with a curious look.

"Jisung?" Donghyuck repeats. "Something up?"

He stands there awkwardly, not sure how to begin. For starters, the day was destined to be boring because Chenle had homework, and Renjun was doing his own with him. Jeno started off the day by going back to sleep; Jaemin hadn't called from after physical therapy yet. And now that We Young promotions have ended, Mark and Donghyuck aren't even living with them. There was literally nothing to do in the dorm for once.

He settles for an awkward cough. Donghyuck's baffled, curious look turns to worry.

"Are you sick?" he asks, scrambling to get up from the bed. He hits his head on the way out from under the top bunk and reaches Jisung with a wince and a hand clapped to his forehead.

Mark also swings down from his bunk, landing gracefully on his feet. The two of them assume position. Jisung regrets his delivery.

"I'm not sick," he says. "I'm bored."

Donghyuck opens his mouth. And then closes it. His face is always pretty expressive; exasperation usurps worry in seconds. Mark sighs, put-upon.

"You can chill in here if you want," he offers, already turning away to get back on his bed.

"Thanks, hyung," Jisung calls after him.

Donghyuck looks at him knowingly from the side. "Chenle's busy?"

"Homework," Jisung says in pain on Chenle's behalf. "Entertain me."

Donghyuck doesn’t even miss a beat. Jisung was worred about nothing—no, he wasn’t worried at all. “I was watching this playthrough,” Donghyuck offers, sidling back over to the bed.

He ducks and rolls back into the bunk, pressing up to the wall. He pats the long empty space beside him. There’s a lone light taped to the bottom of Mark’s bunk, and the bed space is dimly illuminated. It’s homey.

Jisung wrinkles his nose out of habit and follows. But Donghyuck seems to remember something because he sits up sheepishly as Jisung prepares to enter his space.

“Or we can watch it at the desk—“ he says, stuttering a little; they knock nose to forehead against each other and Donghyuck swears under his breath with a groan. Mark’s stern “Donghyuck, don’t swear,” is right above them.

“Jisung just butted his head into my nose,” Donghyuck complains.

“Haechan hyung got up without warning,” Jisung replies with zero remorse.

“I didn’t think you’d actually climb in,” Donghyuck says with petulance, rubbing his nose. “Therefore isn’t it your fault?”

“Move over already, hyung,” Jisung retorts.

“Kids, don’t fight,” Mark drawls.

Donghyuck huffs and gives him a wide berth. He practically tucks himself into the corner, on his side against the wall, body angled towards Jisung but his phone in his hand between them, leaving them on opposite sides. His body language is so contradictory that Jisung can acutely feel the distance between them. He grumbles under his breath and tugs Donghyuck’s arm closer, jarring his grip.

 _“Yah_ ,” Donghyuck says, but allows Jisung to rearrange their configuration to his liking.

Jisung just tries to take the distance away, but Donghyuck ends up sliding an arm under to cushion Jisung’s head, switching the phone to his other hand, holding it high up above the both of them. When Jisung makes to help hold the other side, Donghyuck tells him that their arms are different lengths anyway and that he’ll just hold it.

“Hyung’s arm is trembling though?” Jisung says.

“Because the playthrough is so exciting,” Donghyuck says, dry as sand. “I’m really excited.”

“Liar,” Jisung scoffs and reaches up with both hands to take the phone from Donghyuck. “Watch how it’s done,” he says, and with minimal effort, props the phone up on his chest.

“Executed like a true couch potato,” Donghyuck mutters under his breath, and Jisung turns his head to glare and Donghyuck gets a mouth full of bleached hair and spits.

“Can’t hear the video,” Jisung says loudly, turning it up over the sound of Donghyuck spluttering.

When Donghyuck inevitably swings a leg over Jisung’s waist, he lets out a sigh he didn’t know he’d been holding and makes himself comfortable.

 

 

 

Donghyuck complains for hours later that Jisung’s head is so heavy that he could’ve needed amputation if Jisung had slept for even one more second. It started out that Jisung was too flustered to make a retort—he woke up in his own drool, on Donghyuck’s arm—but Donghyuck didn’t even bring it up over the course of their bickering, even though it could’ve ended Jisung’s entire career. It ends up that Jisung just complains that if it weren’t for Donghyuck’s breath, Donghyuck really would have needed amputation—how _fortunate_ —

Their photo still gets posted into the Dream group chat though. Unflatteringly, Donghyuck’s mouth is open and jaw slack; Jisung’s equally as conked out and tucked into him.

Renjun says it’s cute. Donghyuck tells Mark to watch out during the night; Mark replies smugly that minors should sleep early and even forwards it into the 127 chat. Jaehyun, the owner of the bottom bunk, doesn't even get mad.

Before Donghyuck can really get Mark back—before anything actually escalates—Jisung says to Donghyuck, “I’m hungry.”

“The kitchen is out there, you’ve been here before,” Donghyuck replies, gesturing to the door, but Jisung forcibly tugs him out.

“Tteokbokki ramyeon,” Jisung says. To prove his point, his stomach growls, and Donghyuck lets himself be dragged with a groan.

 

 

 

One of the very hyunglike qualities that Donghyuck actually has, Jisung thinks, is his ability to make something taste good with the most random of ingredients. In this respect, he really resembles Taeyong. The smell of ramyeon and spicy tteokbokki is making Jisung’s mouth water all the way from the couch. Just a few more minutes and everything will finish cooking.

“Mark hyung still calls you Donghyuck sometimes,” Jisung notes. Donghyuck is sprawled out across the couch, inches away.

He cracks open an eye. “That’s Donghyuck _hyung_ to you.”

“Do you prefer that?”

“Prefer what?” 

“Prefer Donghyuck,” Jisung says.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Donghyuck complains.

Jisung stifles a snort, telling him that just Jisung is fine—and Donghyuck's eyes widen in mock-fury; he huffs in annoyance and sits up, shuffling forward on his knees in Jisung’s direction.

“You’ve got some nerve,” Donghyuck thunders, lips twitching. “Making me make you lunch and using banmal—“

Jisung barely manages to back away before Donghyuck’s cornered him against the sofa arm, hands on either side of Jisung’s body. He grins like a boy who has the upper hand; Jisung’s ticklish and Donghyuck knows. Because Jisung doesn’t expect to be caged in, electricity ricochets up his spine, and he goes rigid from the sensation.

Donghyuck, seeing Jisung’s expression, peers curiously down at Jisung instead of meting justice.

“Why?” he asks.

Donghyuck is naturally loud. Here, he is quiet, but really the more accurate word is _calm;_ he’s the more composed of the two of them for once, and Jisung is disarmed. The smell of spicy tteokboki is killing his concentration. So is Donghyuck’s proximity.

Jisung doesn’t even really know why. He pushes at Donghyuck’s shoulder though, gesturing for him to back off, and Donghyuck retreats easily, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Because,” Jisung replies, sitting up, mirroring the action in defense. He doesn't know why. “Answer my question, hyung.”

To his surprise, Donghyuck doesn’t make a big deal about it. Nothing like _what’s this? Jisungie wants to become close to me?_ Or _you’ve been acting weird since this morning_ , or _the old lovable SM Rookies you returned!_ —he just looks at Jisung very seriously, smiles close-lipped but fond, and shrugs, sinking back into the couch.

“You can use whichever you want,” he says, flapping a hand.

Then he side-eyes Jisung again, his smile turns dangerous, and Jisung tenses. He strangely feels like he’s being figured out.

“How _cute_ , Jisung-ah.”

Jisung shoves a pillow into Donghyuck’s face and wishes out loud that he’d croak.

(Winwin walks in two seconds later, drawn in by the aroma, and promptly walks right back out, Donghyuck’s muffled cries of “Hyung, help—!” falling on deaf ears.)

 

 

 

Donghyuck walks him back even though it's only afternoon. He cheerily cites something dumb like, "Little kids shouldn't be out alone!" Jisung retorts that Donghyuck won't have anyone to walk him back to the 127 dorm then; they push and poke each other on the way there.

Chenle's bound to be done with his homework by now and that's when the real fun will start, but the time he spent for the first half of the day wasn't too bad. He was asleep for most of the morning anyway, and then after ramyeon, Donghyuck let him fool around on his account while Winwin and Taeyong gamed. Donghyuck then whined when Winwin said Jisung was a better gamer than him. The laughter and protesting were so loud that it roused Doyoung from bed to tell them to pipe down.

All in all a productive morning. Going back to the Dream dorm after it feels only a little surreal.

"You don't need to walk me up the stairs," Jisung says when they arrive.

Donghyuck makes a face at him. "What happened to the cute you from an hour ago?" he laments, but stops at the foot of the stairs and puts his hands into his pockets.

Jisung shakes his head and sighs. "There is no cute me, hyung," he replies. "Go safely please."

"Don't grow up too fast," Donghyuck says with a pout. "The noona fans will be sad."

" _Bye_ , hyung," Jisung says, already making his way up the stairs. Donghyuck waves at him and starts walking backwards, eyes still trained on Jisung ascending. Jisung stops, curls his hand to his mouth, and yells, "Today was fun!" and gets the satisfaction of watching Donghyuck's stride stutter, watching him trip over his own feet and fall on his butt.

"Come by again sometime!" Donghyuck yells back, standing up, and jogs off.

 

 

 

"You've been smiling since you walked in," Chenle sighs. "You're so weird, Jisung Park."

"You're weird," Jisung retorts.

 

 

 

"And still smiling," Chenle says when it's nighttime and they're brushing their teeth.

"I'm not," Jisung says around his toothbrush.

"It's with your eyes, Jisung," Chenle says, nodding to himself. "With your eyes."

 

 

 

So maybe they're a little close. But the one who's really weird here is Donghyuck, so Jisung relinquishes all blame of weirdness to him.


	2. blooming day

"What's this?" Donghyuck asks, settling down on the couch.

He slings an arm over Jisung's shoulder, jostling him. GAME OVER flashes across the screen. Jisung looks up with a blank expression and all Donghyuck has to offer is, "Oops."

"Why do you always do this," Jisung asks. "This always happens. I  _always_ lose when you're in the same room."

"I bet you lose when I'm not in the same room too," Donghyuck scoffs. He doesn't pull away; he pulls Jisung closer in until Jisung (half a head taller,  _bigger_ ) is tucked securely under his arm.

"But you always end up bothering me."

"Guess that means you're always losing," Donghyuck teases, and Jisung gears himself up to really pay him back, but Jeno comes in at that exact moment.

"Hey, ready— _ooh_ , interesting development," Jeno hums, seeing them.

The radius of Donghyuck’s embrace is three centimeters away from a chokehold. Jisung’s about to call for help when Donghyuck loosens his arm, his hand sliding down to Jisung’s elbow, falling from his shoulder. Donghyuck shrugs.

“What development,” he asks. “We’re always like this.” For emphasis, he prods Jisung’s cheek with no reaction.

"You made him lose just now,” Jeno points out. He glances down at the phone in Jisung’s lap. “One day he'll get mad, you know.”

“It’s not me that makes him lose,” Donghyuck complains.

“It is,” Jisung pipes up.

Jeno still insists, “An interesting development. Anyway, let’s go...?”

Donghyuck turns to Jisung, but instead of pinching his cheek or trying to kiss him, he smiles. Jisung blinks. His hand slides down to Jisung’s waist and gives his hip a soft pat.

“Hyung will bring some back for you,” he promises, eyes bright. He releases Jisung easily. “Don’t worry.”

Jisung, still caught off-guard, says, “I don’t want your leftovers.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “It’s not food, dummy. There are no leftovers.” He gets to his feet and stretches. “Expect the unexpected!” he declares with a wink, and pushes Jeno out the living room.

Jisung sighs and restarts his game.

 

 

 

(It isn’t, sometimes. Losing when Donghyuck enters the room. Donghyuck doesn’t always come over to bother him. But he knows Donghyuck is there. And knowing, he just knows inevitably that he’ll get bothered and he gets distracted that way.

Donghyuck doesn’t always come over, but his laughter travels a hallway, two chairs, and an entire sofa over, and Jisung knows what he looks like when he laughs.)

(And then Donghyuck and Jeno return from wherever they went. Jisung is in his bed when Mark scolds them in the hallway for being out late. Donghyuck passes his room but doesn’t come in. Jisung wasn’t expecting anything.)

 

 

 

Conveniently, Donghyuck remembers that Jisung is his favorite dongsaeng only when they're live. Which is why he tugs at Jisung's sleeve when Chenle's almost being whisked away by Jaemin—but he doesn't remember that he promised to bring something back, so Jisung wraps his hand around Chenle's wrist and stops him from leaving.

"How can I trust a hyung who doesn't keep his word," Jisung pretends to sniff. "I pick Chenle."

Jeno tries to pull Donghyuck away, choosing him, but Donghyuck looks flummoxed even as he's being dragged. "When haven't I kept my word?" he demands, more ruffled by the slight to his integrity than not being chosen.

Jisung brushes him off, and Donghyuck's look of utter confusion is so pitiable that Jisung only regrets bringing it up a little bit. He doesn't know why Donghyuck cares. Jisung isn't  _that_ bothered.

"Jisung, seriously," Donghyuck continues. "I broke faith with you?"

"No," Jisung lies and pushes him in the direction Jeno's taking him. "Now go, hyung."

Donghyuck doesn't seem convinced but goes where he's directed. Jisung sighs and Chenle gives him a look, and Jisung returns the look with a glower, and just the entire thing goes to crap. Donghyuck is distracted the whole time; Jeno can't even be mad at the washout because it's so bad that he cries laughing at Donghyuck's repeated flops.

Jisung propels their team to victory. Chenle cheers.

 

 

 

"But seriously—" Donghyuck is pouting at him. It's just the two of them in the practice room now after they cleaned up. He whines, "Jisungie, tell me when it was."

"The day you went out with Jeno hyung," Jisung sighs reluctantly. "You said to expect something. I wasn't though."

Donghyuck looks like he's wracking his brains for that day. And when he finds it, realization dawns. So does the pink onto his cheeks.

"Ah," Donghyuck says softly, almost a breath, and this isn't a reaction Jisung's seen before.

In confusion and curiosity, he peers closer. Donghyuck leans back from his scrutiny. He moves away from Jisung on all three of the wall mirrors.

Jisung crosses his arms over his chest. "You promised." He makes a face. "But it's not a big deal to me. I just said that during the live so you'd go peacefully." But if Donghyuck still has the present and just forgot—"Did you actually get something?"

Donghyuck still looks winded from the initial hit. When Jisung waits expectantly, he pauses, ducking a little when he shakes his head no. "I guess I really didn't keep my word," he says slowly. "Sorry, Jisung-ah."

"It's okay," Jisung says, only a little disappointed. He decides to show Donghyuck his generosity considering how many losses he took in the live before. "You wouldn't have been thinking of it the whole time."

"I," Donghyuck begins, and then sighs a loaded, heavy, tired sigh. "Actually, I think about you a lot," he says like a promise.

"What?" Jisung says.

"Bye," Donghyuck says abruptly, turning around, and  _runs_.

 

 

 

Well, that's obviously a lie, because if Donghyuck had really thought about Jisung a lot, he would've remembered. Either that or he really did have something for Jisung but for some reason unknown never came out with it. Which is why Jisung has to know. What if Donghyuck really does have a gift for him and he's been hiding it all these weeks?

"Haechan hyung," Jisung says the next day when he sees Donghyuck exit his room. What an opportune moment. He puts an arm around Donghyuck's waist.

Donghyuck looks up at him blearily, confused, rubbing his eye, but leans into Jisung's embrace anyway. The things Jisung does to get to the bottom of things.

"You don't have to be ashamed if the gift isn't good," Jisung announces. "I'll receive it."

Donghyuck yawns into his fist (but it's like half of a groan) and then shakes Jisung off. "There really wasn't anything," he says. "I didn't get anything."

"Hyung," Jisung insists, letting his hand fall. "Even if you want to give something now to make up for then," he says with benevolence, "I'll receive it."

Donghyuck nods, still half asleep. "Okay, okay, I'm showering now," he says. "Wait in your room."

"You won't come by," Jisung says, already seeing through it.

"This gift can't be given until I've brushed my teeth," Donghyuck insists.

"I don't want a  _kiss_ from you," Jisung protests.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "I'm not kissing a minor. Wait or don't wait," he snarks back, heads into the bathroom door, and closes it in Jisung's face.

 

 

 

So he waits. Donghyuck comes by exactly twenty minutes later. He looks wide awake. His teeth are probably brushed. Jisung's finger slipped on his phone screen as Donghyuck knocked though.

("Come in," Jisung said, slightly peeved.

"You're mad?" Donghyuck said, alarmed. "I was really showering.")

Then Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "I told you it's not a kiss. Get dressed." Then he leaves the room and closes the door behind him. 

Donghyuck is there, waiting right outside, when Jisung finishes.

"You're too powerful as a maknae," Donghyuck sighs at him. "We're going out."

Jisung pauses. "To eat?" he clarifies.

"Whatever you want," Donghyuck replies. "I'll treat as a hyung."

"Interesting," Jisung says.

 

 

 

"But you really didn't get something that day?" Jisung asks as the server brings out the chicken. They decided to split a plate to spare Donghyuck's wallet; they both bow to the server who tells them to enjoy.

It smells so  _good_.

"You can ask Jeno," Donghyuck confirms, gesturing for Jisung to eat first. "The only thing I brought back was my phone."

" _Ah_ , really," Jisung says.

"Did you really want something that badly?" Donghyuck asks. "Isn't my love enough for you?"

Jisung stays quiet, lips pursed but trembling, and Donghyuck laughs at the expected reaction.

"You're receiving my love right now anyway," Donghyuck says and takes a bite of chicken.

"I'm cashing in on your responsibility to your dongsaeng," Jisung replies.

"Oh, when you have dongsaeng," Donghyuck promises, "it'll be over."

 

 

 

The topic of dongsaeng isn't what they end with when they leave the restaurant, which is only two blocks from the Dream dorm, but they're an entire street down when Jisung lets out another inaudible sigh, either from indigestion or something else.

Donghyuck sighs louder than him and says, "What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know if I want dongsaeng," Jisung says.

"Scared of kids younger than you," Donghyuck guesses.

"You guys won't be around when that happens."

"Ah," Donghyuck says.

"Ah," Jisung repeats.

 

 

 

 

"Please don't be sad, Jisungie," Donghyuck says. Jisung tries to wave him away. "Even if we all go to different units our dorms will all be in the same place."

"You and Mark hyung never come over from the 127 dorm," Jisung retorts, wiping his eyes furiously.

Donghyuck looks totally lost. "Did you actually want to hang out?" Then he elaborates, "With me?"

Sometimes. "Of course not," Jisung coughs.

Donghyuck subsequently rolls his eyes. "Then why are you crying," he says dryly, but procures a pack of tissues anyway. He holds one out to Jisung, but also begins wiping Jisung's face with another. "What would the fans say if this hit the news," he says light-heartedly. "NCT Jisung spotted crying in the street. NCT Haechan makes the maknae cry."

Jisung takes the tissue and brushes Donghyuck's hand away. In that moment, their eyes meet and there's certainly pity in Donghyuck's, but also something else that looks like pain. He looks unhappy too.

"You don't need to feel pity," Jisung sighs.

"I don't want you to be alone," Donghyuck replies simply. "Who will take care of you when you're taking care of others? Even Chenle would leave before you."

Jisung hiccups. "Thanks." He was trying not to think about that.

Donghyuck winces. "Sorry. But—but you can always call us. You're NCT's maknae right now. In some ways, you'll always be."

"You were the maknae once, hyung," Jisung says.

"Yeah," Donghyuck agrees. "It's tiring for you, right? I was tired. But I had Mark hyung then. You have Chenle now. And you really have the rest of us too, Jisungie. You're a precious dongsaeng. You'll always have seventeen hyungs."

Jisung wipes the last of the wetness from his cheeks, and Donghyuck pats his hair. He doesn't jerk away this time; in this moment, he doesn't dislike it.

 

 

 

"I am sorry that I left you expecting though," Donghyuck says as they make their way up the stairs. "I won't forget any more promises from now on."

"I really wasn't bothered. But eating out was appropriate compensation," Jisung says with a shrug.

The corner of Donghyuck's mouth quirks up. "So this was your master plan?"

Jisung grins a little. "You can always treat your dongsaeng."

"Since you cried today," Donghyuck says a little too loudly, and Jisung pushes lightly at his shoulder in protest, "I guess I can do some pampering."

"I was just kidding, hyung."

"But I really will become a more reliable hyung for you, Jisung-ah," Donghyuck says sincerely. "And then you won't have any more thoughts of being left alone."

Something catches in Jisung's throat. He clears it.

Then Donghyuck pauses at the door, patting his pockets before he turns to Jisung with a sheepish grin. "Would you happen...to have your keys...?"

 

 

 

Jisung messages Chenle. Whlie they're waiting for Chenle to come get the door, Jisung turns to Donghyuck and says lightly, "A reliable hyung, huh?"

The door swings open and Chenle's on the other side, looking amused. He gives Jisung a look that Jisung pointedly ignores.

"Starting  _after_ just now," Donghyuck says. He greets Chenle with a contrite grin which Chenle returns with glee, and he ushers Jisung in with an arm wrapped around his waist.

It's strange. In this moment, Jisung doesn't dislike it.


	3. close to you

Jisung notices.

Sometimes Donghyuck still gets overly excited and smacks the nearest thing in reach and Jisung happens to be it—but Jisung notices when Donghyuck’s focused touches become feather light; when he taps Jisung on the arm, presses a palm into his shoulder, pats his back, head, butt. In the times when he mimics biting, his teeth never touch Jisung’s skin, but he presses a cheeky kiss instead and dashes off when Jisung prepares to push him.

But Jisung’s certainly stopped jerking away at this point. He’s distinctly getting the impression that Donghyuck’s started to approach him more like a cat. He can accept this.

He wonders if this is a sign of closeness. Nothing quite changes except for this, but Donghyuck never says anything, so Jisung doesn’t either.

 

 

 

 

Donghyuck does make him a promise though, right before Jaemin finally moves back into the Dream dorm. _If you call, I’ll pick up_ , he says solemnly. But ever since then, it really has been that Donghyuck hasn’t missed a phone call from him. But then again, Jisung rarely calls, and only within reasonable hours.

(But Jisung and Chenle test it once, in the middle of the night when they’re all gathered in Jaemin’s room. It’s during BOSS promotions, but Donghyuck is sleeping at the 127 dorm. Jisung dials his number on speakerphone and puts his phone right next to the big candle in the middle of their circle.

He picks up in two rings with a serious, “Jisung?” Jisung hangs up on him without saying anything when Jeno bursts out laughing.

Out of contriteness over that one time, he does promise Donghyuck over text weeks later that he’ll pick up when Donghyuck calls him. But of course, when the ’00 liners are having their live, Jisung tries to call him to tell him to give the fans spoilers and Donghyuck doesn’t pick up the first time; he watches Donghyuck swipe end call on his phone, and Jisung snorts when Donghyuck says flippantly, “I don’t care.”

As if. When he and Chenle went to the practice room, Donghyuck’s eyes immediately locked onto him. He got up from his seat to come up to Jisung—and when he manhandled Jisung onto the screen with a back hug, he laughed like such a kid as Jisung scrambled to cover his bare face.

Which could’ve been dangerous. His face without makeup—

“Sorry, Jisung-ah,” Donghyuck says later, sounding very not sorry. “You know the fans would like you without makeup too though. It’s the older kids that have to worry about bare-faced looks.”

“Like you, hyung?” Jisung shoots over, and Donghyuck covers his laugh with a hand.

“You were shocked at my handsomeness when we first met,” Donghyuck quotes him. “So I’m confident in my looks.”

Jisung tries to remember when he said this. It’s not that it isn’t true. But he wonders when he could’ve possibly let it slip. Donghyuck takes his puzzled silence as a quiet rebuttal and pokes at Jisung.

“It’s okay, Jisung-ah,” Donghyuck teases. “It’s natural.”

“What’s natural?” Jisung asks foolishly.

“Finding me attractive,” he says, leaning in obnoxiously close, and Jisung shoves him away.)

 

 

 

But it’s true that Donghyuck is attractive—when he dances. Jisung can admit it. When he dances, his entire aura changes. _Go_ Donghyuck smolders in every practice room mirror, the type of smoldering Jisung remembers from Firetruck and Cherry Bomb. His moves are sharp and clean, but most of all, his _eyes_ —

Mark calls for the end of practice, and Donghyuck wanders over to Jisung’s side to grab his water bottle.

“You danced well today, hyung,” Jisung says seriously, leaning against the wall. “I realized that you’re good. It was surprising.”

Donghyuck pauses in the middle of wiping his face. Jeno and Mark explode into laughter nearby, Mark practically crying. Jisung abruptly regrets his delivery—his heart catches in his throat because he doesn’t want Donghyuck to misunderstand; this time he wasn’t saying it like _that_ —

Donghyuck shrugs, unbothered at the laughter, puffing up his chest. “Obviously that means Jisungie thinks I dance best out of us six,” he says confidently, and Jeno chokes.

“That’s not what he meant,” Mark snorts. “Jisung?”

Jisung is now caught between a rock and a hard place. All he made was the simple observation that Donghyuck dances well. He wasn’t watching the others this time. But he has no idea how to begin to explain why he was only watching Donghyuck in the first place, so he flounders, eyes a little wide, somewhat panicked.

Donghyuck sees him—and Jisung wonders if he’ll push the issue—but instead Donghyuck rolls his eyes and says loudly, “Maybe if you all show Jisung what you’re made of, he’ll tell you the same.”

Jeno squares his shoulders and stretches. “Okay, Jisungie—watch me this time and then make your decision,” and he pulls Donghyuck to the middle of the practice room (Donghyuck complaining that he doesn’t want to dance when they’ve just finished practice) and declares the start of their dance battle to the death.

And somehow it becomes a competition to see who can get Jisung to acknowledge them—but Donghyuck throwing him this lifeline doesn’t even do much because every time he goes up, Jisung can’t help but _look_. When he’s serious in dancing, his form has deadly charisma. When he laughs as he pulls a silly move, he’s a boy with a bright smile and it’s impossible to look away.

In the end, when it’s his turn to go up, Jaemin sighs. “Is there even a point? Jisungie is still only looking at Haechan.”

Donghyuck turns to Jaemin as Jisung gets flustered in the back. “You were looking at me the whole time too, Jaemin-ah,” he accuses.

“Wanted to know what Jisung was seeing,” Jaemin retorts.

They get up and close with each other, chest-to-chest, and Dream watches on with bated breath. Donghyuck’s the one who defuses the tension.

“What’s this? You’re in love with me, right?” Donghyuck says seriously, and Jaemin bursts out laughing and pushes Donghyuck back lightly.

Jaemin confirms his secret forbidden love for Donghyuck with a serious face and dry voice. Jisung excuses himself quietly to go to the bathroom as they’re cleaning up, but Donghyuck’s words burn like a brand on the back of his neck. Jisung doesn’t know why he’s bothered.

 

 

 

When Jisung returns from the bathroom, it’s just Donghyuck in the practice room now, dancing hard even though he made such a fuss over extending practice. Jisung enters quietly, but Donghyuck sees him from the corner of his eye and smiles—he’s still in the aura of _Go_. His eyes are half-lidded with heated promise and his lips curl like he knows a dark secret.

This hyung has a dangeorus stage presence.

Jisung feels like the natural thing to do is join in, so they run through the rest of the song. Donghyuck doesn’t quite watch Jisung until Jisung goes to the center—and then Donghyuck’s eyes don’t leave him until he has to do his own high note.

“Run, run, run, _r-u-u-u-u-n_ —” Donghyuck sings, offkey, and Jisung bursts out laughing.

“What the heck, hyung,” Jisung says, still dancing.

Donghyuck laughs next to him. “I’m really confident in my singing!” he responds and they go through the last verse and finish.

Jisung sighs when Donghyuck finally relaxes. “That expression is scary, you know.”

“Why?”

“You look like you want to seduce the audience,” Jisung says. “Aren’t we just being rebellious here?”

“People can be seduced by rebellion,” Donghyuck replies knowledgably. “Change is scary and exciting. You really surprised me today though. That was a big change. Seduced, Jisungie?”

“I was also surprised,” Jisung says defensively. “But it wasn’t that you didn’t dance well before. I only looked today,” he continues.

Donghyuck’s lips quirk up in amusement. “Relax, Jisung-ah. I didn’t take it in any way that you didn’t intend. But it’s nice that you were looking.”

“It’s hard not to,” Jisung says without thinking. “You have good expressions.”

Donghyuck blinks. There’s a moment’s pause. Jisung flushes.

“Well,” Donghyuck shrugs. “It goes without saying that you’re handsome when you dance. You’re really good, after all.” He smiles. “Your expressions are really good too.”

Jisung frowns a little. “I didn’t say it because I wanted you to say it back.”

Donghyuck shoots him a confused look. “Of course you didn’t? But what I said is true too, you know.” But Jisung can’t shake the feeling of discontent. Donghyuck sees that he’s still looking troubled and comes over, peering at his face. “What’s wrong?”

Jisung doesn’t know what he’s saying. “You didn’t accept it.”

Donghyuck pulls at his arm gently, sliding a hand down to play with his fingers. “I accept, Jisung-ah,” he says seriously, but circling Jisung’s ring finger.

Jisung splutters and pulls his hand away. Then he walks away too.

“Jisung—? Jisung-ah, wait up,” Donghyuck calls.

“Why can’t you receive my words sincerely,” Jisung sighs without turning around. He hates the way his voice trembles. “I was being serious.”

Donghyuck’s footsteps die out behind him. “Are you upset?” 

“No, but—” When he turns around, Donghyuck is right behind him. He swallows the rest of his words.

“I’m—sorry, Jisung-ah. And it’s okay to be upset. Just because we’re all older doesn’t mean you can’t tell us when we do things that upset you.”

Jisung shakes his head. “I don’t know why it bothers me. So I can’t justify being upset. But—just—you didn’t take me seriously when I told you my thoughts, hyung.”

Donghyuck hesitates. “Hey, you don’t have to justify being upset. Let me explain my reaction,” he says.

He slots their fingers together. He looks up into Jisung’s eyes, and his gaze is serious.

“When you said that during practice, I was really happy. But you said it in front of everyone too, so I didn’t know how to react. And then you said it again just now with only the two of us, but I still felt embarrassed. So I couldn’t give you a big reaction. I don’t know.” Donghyuck scratches his head. “But it makes me happy to know you think that, Jisungie. You’re a really great dancer, so I must be doing something well if it’s caught your eye.” He laughs. “It feels really, really good to be told this by you. How do you feel now?”

Jisung looks down at their fingers, and then back at Donghyuck. He exhales deeply. “Okay,” he says, nodding.

“Okay,” Donghyuck says, ruffling his hair, and they close down the practice room.

 

 

 

But Donghyuck seems more restless than before when they make their way back to the dorms. They stopped holding hands when they left the practice room, but Donghyuck links arms with him when they exit the building. 

“It’s not just because you’re good at dancing,” he says suddenly.

Jisung turns to look at him, uncomprehending.

Donghyuck swings their arms back and forth. “Being praised,” he says. “It’s also because it’s you saying this, you know? It feels good when someone you like tells you.”

“Someone you like,” Jisung repeats, heartbeat speeding up a little. “What are you even saying, hyung?”

“You’re my favorite dongsaeng,” Donghyuck explains, and the moment flatlines. “Even though I don’t get to show my favoritism to you, I want to care of you the most.” He sighs. “Even though you don’t like being babied.”

Donghyuck must be registering the look on Jisung’s face as unconvinced, because Donghyuck looks at him seriously.

“Really,” he insists. “You’re really like a little brother to me. A little brother who’s really cool and more mature.”

“You’re a good hyung,” Jisung answers awkwardly in return. “You take care of everyone well, not just dongsaeng.”

Leave it to Donghyuck to make it even more awkward than it is: his laugh itself is awkward when he laughs. “What is this,” Donghyuck teases, “saying exactly what I want to hear?”

 

 

 

For some reason, it feels as if Donghyuck’s put some space between them. He feels more distant than before—before Donghyuck told him that Jisung made him happy, that because it was _Jisung_ saying these things that he treasured it.

Jisung stands under the showerhead for a while pondering this, and when he comes out of the bathroom, Donghyuck’s leaning against the wall outside, waiting to go. He’s definitely thinking deeply when his face is so blank, but the corners of his eyes soften when he spots Jisung emerge fresh from the shower.

“Sorry,” Jisung says. He did take a pretty long time.

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Taking care of your skin is good,” he says with a thumbs-up. And then he smiles a little sheepishly. “Actually, I did have something for you that day.”

“I knew it. You lied to your dongsaeng,” Jisung says without heat.

Donghyuck laughs. He steps into his room briefly and then comes back out with something very familiar-looking. A faux fur scarf.

“I washed it but the softness wouldn’t come back,” Donghyuck explains. “So I didn’t want to give it to you. But I thought I should let you decide for yourself if you want to use it.” He hands it to Jisung, who takes it.

It’s soft against his fingers. Donghyuck looks pleased when he wraps it around his hand.

“Thanks, hyung. It’s still pretty soft.”

“Good.” Donghyuck pats him on the shoulder on his way into the bathroom. “Don’t be too touched by my generosity.”

“I won’t,” Jisung deadpans.

 

 

 

But it really is so soft. He could fall asleep right now.

“Sleep in your room,” says a confused voice, and Jisung cracks open an eye.

A blurry figure disappears from over the couch and looms into view from the other side minutes later. Donghyuck’s face comes into focus; his hair is all messed up from towel-drying.

“It’s easier here,” Jisung yawns, but when Donghyuck tugs him up by the arm, he lets himself be pulled into an upright position. He’s in Donghyuck’s space; the subtle smell of soap and shampoo is soothing.

Donghyuck looks surprised at his pliancy, but then says _ah!_ like he’s thought of something. “Here, hyung will piggyback you to your room.”

“You’re too small to carry me, hyung.”

“Say that to my face." 

“Come closer,” Jisung says sleepily.

So of course Donghyuck does. He leans in and gets _really_ close out of cheekiness, but Jisung forgets to back away. Donghyuck is only mere centimeters away, their noses brushing, when he blinks owlishly at their proximity, realizing Jisung hasn’t jerked back like he expected. They’ve never been this close facing each other. His eyes are so wide. He looks really confused.

“You’re too small to carry me, hyung,” Jisung repeats into his face.

Donghyuck sighs. He’s the one who leans back first. “You should sleep now, Jisungie,” he says, and the warmth of his sentence puffs against Jisung’s cheeks.

“Okay,” Jisung says agreeably, and lets Donghyuck pull him off the couch and guide him on the quick journey back to his room.

“Don’t be too lazy to climb onto your bed,” Donghyuck scolds him on the way.

“But you don’t sleep on the top bunk,” Jisung mutters.

“What are you tall for then? You could just swing your leg over,” Donghyuck teases.

“I’m not that tall,” Jisung protests and gives a small laugh from the ridiculousness despite himself.

“The beds are adjustable, you know. You can take the top bunk down.”

“Sounds troublesome,” Jisung says, and they come to a stop before Jisung’s room. Donghyuck opens the door and nudges him at the small of his back.

“Night, Jisung-ah,” Donghyuck says.

“Night, hyung.” He steps into the dark room, rubbing his eyes.

The light from the hall casts his shadow into the cool room. When he turns around in the darkness, Donghyuck is still standing there in the doorway, looking at him fondly.

“Hyung?” Jisung asks, waiting.

Donghyuck shakes his head. “I want to kiss you,” he says, out of nowhere.

Jisung opens his mouth to repeat what Donghyuck’s just said; he’s so shocked that words don’t even come out. He’s now _wide awake_.

“Like a goodnight kiss,” Donghyuck elaborates on behalf of Jisung’s dumbstruck face, and Jisung doesn’t know why he feels disappointment; he shouldn’t be disappointed. “But you’d hate it.”

Jisung nods mechanically. “My skin, you know,” he says lamely.

Donghyuck laughs, coming close. Jisung wonders if he'll actually do it, like on the forehead; he'd have to get up on the tips of his toes unless Jisung bent down—Jisung shakes his head to clear his thoughts. Donghyuck reaches up to ruffle Jisung’s hair, and his hand is warm against Jisung’s chilled skin.

“You have good skin, Jisungie. Sleep well,” he says and steps away, closing the door behind him.

Jisung stands there for a while. Then he climbs into his bed and sinks into both the mattress and turmoil.


End file.
